Chicago

We went on an extended vacation to see family in Minnesota and Iowa, then went to visit Chicago because Daddy had a meeting. It was a lot of road time and half way through Kai got gastroenteritis then Daddy and June got it. I was thankful it was the 24 hour bug and did not last too long. Everyone got healed up and we headed for the train to Chicago. We stayed at the Trump which was really nice with an amazing view.  We were all glad Nana went to help out. 

A TV in the mirror which I kinda liked. 

Kai liked the big bed

Lots to see out the window

Our view

Our view

Checking out the bean

Cheese!

10 months

She has a tooth! My little June finally got her first tooth. She is also standing on her own for a few seconds. Still loves to smile and wants to be held. Everything is going in her mouth and she loves to open the cabinets.

9 month check up

Juniper had her check up at 9 months almost 10 and her Doctor was not super excited about her weight gain and wants me to add butter to her meals, but since she has a milk intolerance this may not work and all cheese, yogurt and milk are out. Her doctor was also worried about her right foot, it turns out when she stands so she has a ortho appointment to get that checked out. When I called them to make the appointment they scheduled me 4 months out with a nurse practitioner, what!! A 4 month wait. Crazy stuff, I am not worried about her foot or I would have thrown a fit, but I think her foot will be just fine. She was breech at birth and this usually gets better when she starts to walking, which will be soon.

June weighted 15lb 15 oz at 4%, height 26.5 inches at 10 %, head circumference 16.5 inches at 3%. She is a tiny lady like her Momma.

 

Chicken and dumplings.... Sort of

I was hungry for chicken and dumplings, but since I don't eat chicken it makes it a little difficult to make. So I search the internet for ideas. I came up with this, I used the below recipe and added carrots, quorn "chicken", cream of celery instead of cream of chicken and I used veggie broth instead of chicken broth. I also added a little thyme. It was a perfectly delicious comfort food for this cold day.

http://mycrownedcreations.com/2013/09/12/chicken-and-dumplings/

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day. Four years ago tomorrow was the worst day of my life. I knew Maelani was leaving us.  The tubes, drips and machines were no longer sustaining her. She was just too little in this big world. I knew they could do no more for her. I knew I had to sit with her while she past. It's not fair. I am still sad and angry.  I don't like tomorrow. I don't want to remember those hours, that pain, but I do and I will relive it tomorrow. I will remember my friend texting me that morning asking how Maelani was doing and knowing the truth. I remember my Mom asking if she could come up and not wanting to tell her that today was the day Maelani would leave us.   I remember being afraid to hold Maelani because I thought it would hurt her, the moving her around from Wyatts lap to mine.  I remember her sweet eyes and the way she smelled, which was hospital clean.  I remember her size how small she was. The nurses coming in to check on us and bring us food as if we could eat. I remember the hospice nurses coming in telling Wyatt and I how we would grieve differently.  I remember taking my daughter to the funeral home and leaving her there. Then I remember nothing after that. I am not sure what happened in the days after. I don't remember what I did after Maelani left. It was not the life I imagined or wanted. The next time I remember is her funeral. I remember all the people that came family, friends, doctors and nurses and all the people that did not. I remember her books and the music. I remember thinking this can't be real why are these people here this is not real, but it was and it is. Miss Maelani, I remember you. Your family remembers you. You will not be forgotten. I love you today and always. Thank you for those 16 days, I remember.

You can see just how little she is here. 

Her skin was very fragile and it was my job to keep
her lotioned up. I felt like Miss Maelani
was giving me the "Really Mom" look here.

Just chillen here

I liked this hat, she was cute in it.

Hats

Grandma Ruby and Grandpa Larry went to Russia and brought us back some goodies. I got some beautiful nesting dolls. Wyatt got a wooden bottle holder and the girls got these cool princess hats.

This is how I thought the hat should be worn, but then
Grandma Ruby told me the real way it should be worn. 

 

I can't wait to get some good pictures in these hats

9 months

June is pulling herself up to play, continues to be a happy baby. She is talking more and says Mama. No teeth yet. She loves to feed herself big people food and is not a fan of baby food. She continues to amaze me and makes me smile everyday. She has such a gentle heart and loves to play with her big sister.

Happy 4th Birthday Maelani

October, I have this love hate with October now. I love the leaves, the haunted houses and the candy. I don't like the heavy heart I feel the month of October. It is much better this year than it has been in previous years, but I still feel it. That loss, it's there and heavy on my heart and makes it difficult to breath in those quite moments.

The loss of Maelani still catches me off guard. I find myself crying or missing her in odd locations or at inopportune times, but that's ok. I know it's getting better and I don't know if I want ALL those times to go away. It's ok to miss her,  it's ok to cry for her and to cry for the loss I feel.  It's Ok to remember her and say her name out loud.  I love her always and I miss her and it's ok.

This year we celebrated with cupcakes, books and sunshine. The weather here today is in the 80's and amazing. I am thankful for this beautiful day.  Kai sang "Happy Birthday Maelani" and it melted my heart.  Kai has started asking questions about Maelani and I have found it more difficult to explain to Kai where Maelani is, as I have no good answer.  I say she is an Angel up in the sky, but

I am not ready to explain the complexities of the, "where is Maelani?" and "Why is she not at her birthday party?" I know these questions are just going to get more difficult as Kai grows older and understands more.  I wish Kai could have known her older sister and loved her as we do.

We painted outside in the morning

We sang Happy Birthday Maelani

Even June got some cake

Kai loves cake

We opened presents, books called
Toy boat and The littlest Angel and read them.
We are also donating toys to UIHC Children's
 hospital again,  pictures coming soon.

I know I shared Kiss for Maelani,  last year, but I love that it  reminds me that Maelani is present in every act of kindness that is passed on. So if you see 3:33 on the clock please smile, remember Maelani and pass on a kind touch or, holding a door a little longer for someone, help a mom put groceries in the cart when she is holding a child on her hip, or any other million opportunities we encounter everyday. There are  so many times we can pass on acts of kindness, we just have to stop and take the time to remember 3:33.   Happy 4th Birthday my little Maelani, I love you with all my heart and miss you with every breath.

http://www.carepages.com/carepages/Maelani

Kiss for Maelani"

Posted Nov 3, 2010 1:47pm

Mommy and Daddy have always had a tradition of kissing whenever we notice that the clock reads 11:11. Even when we are at work, or apart for another reason, it has become our habit to blow each other a little kiss if the clock should ever read 11:11 when we see it.

We simply do not know that Maelani will ever leave the NICU. But we know that regardless of her outcome, she will not be forgotten, and we will see to it that she lives on, be it in the flesh, or in spirit through us and through our daily actions. We insist that this world become a better place because of Maelani Rose. For this reason, we would like to share with you all a story from a couple of days ago.

A couple of nights ago, Daddy and Mommy were catching a few Z's when Daddy was having a beautiful dream about his daughter growing up, full of life and full of spirit. She was a very happy child, with a big bright smile and a beautiful blonde curls. Mommy, Daddy, and Little Maelani were all together and very happy in this dream.

Daddy's alarm on his phone was inadvertently set from the night before, and had been going off for a couple minutes playing the "celestial harp" alarm. When Daddy awoke from this lovely dream about his family of three, the clock read 3:33.

We decided at this point that henceforth, when we see a clock that reads 3:33, we will "Kiss for Maelani." As such, she will not ever be forgotten, and will continue to bring us smiles in our lives. With every "Kiss for Maelani," we will spend just a few seconds to reflect upon that which is positive in our lives, think of Maelani Rose, and be grateful for all the gifts we have been given.

If you have been touched by Maelani Rose, we invite you to give your love ones a "Kiss for Maelani" along with us. You do not have to wait by the clock until it turns 3:33, but when you should happen to see it by chance, briefly reflect upon the positives in your life, kiss a loved one who is nearby, or if no loved one is nearby, blow a loved one a kiss from afar.

Please note, that the bylaws of the "Kiss for Maelani" program prohibit any fighting, arguing, or disputes to continue with a loved one once a "Kiss for Maelani" has been declared at 3:33. Maelani will have nothing to do with this negativity, and after a "Kiss for Maelani" such negativity must be ceased immediately.

Maelani welcomes all of her friends and followers to participate. We hope that Maelani will not only have a positive impact on our lives, but some of yours as well. Please feel free to pass this message along to whomever you like!

Fall fun

I know, I know I have too many pictures of my girls on here, but I can't help it. I love taking their pictures and they don't seem to mind yet, so I better do while I can. They grow up too fast. The weather has been amazing here, so we have been hanging out at the park. 

Lovely Fall

Super Model 

Here you go June

She was tired of Kai putting so many leaves in her

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My little warrior princess with mud on her face

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