It's October

Ahhhh the month of October, pretty leaves, wonderfull Fall air, hot apple cider and my sad feelings. They are still presant the month of October.  Maelani would be 5 this year, that is hard to believe. She would be getting ready for kindergarten and playing sports.  I have missed out on so much. It's funny the things I wonder about, like how long would her hair be? (Why do I wonder that) What is she good at doing? What does she love? Is she a good big sister? (Of course she is) I often make up answers in my head and wonder if they are actually truths being passed down from somewhere else. The place where I dream of her playing and growing as she should. I often wonder if my October grief is normal or if it is ever going to go away. Will I ever be able to go to a Hawkeye game and look at the children's hospital and not let a single tear fall? I don't know. I am considering talking to a professional to help me work this stuff out,  I think to my self it's been 5 years I should have it figured out by now. Grief is not linear I have learned that the last 5 years.  I have mostly normal days  and happy days, but I also have days filled with anger,  days all about why me, why her. 

   I miss not having new pictures of Maelani to hang on the walls. Kai's and June's  photos are always changing because I love to take their pictures, but Maelani has no new photos it's such a simple thing but to me it's a daily reminder she is not growing and it hurts. This year I worked on a ways to include Maelani in some images and I am pretty excited about it and I hope to do it with more pictures in the future.

I also want to share how excited I am about Maelani being included in the book Anchored by Kayla Aimee. I mean how cool is that. Maelani being in the book gives her a purpose a legacy that is written and will be around a lifetimes. Maelani made a difference and will continue to make a difference in our lives and other people she has touched. We will continue to pass along kindness, love and always remember 3:33.

http://www.amazon.com/Anchored-Finding-Unexpected-Kayla-Aimee/dp/1433686104/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1445547412&sr=8-1&keywords=anchored



Here is the original blog written while we were in the hospital
http://www.carepages.com/carepages/Maelani

Happy 5th birthday Maelani Rose. We remember you in all the moments of the day
We remember when we read book at night, in the quite moments and on vacation in the
empty seat. Sometime I see a butterfly and it's a simple reminder
you are alway present in spirit  and watching over us.
Thank you Maelani for keeping us  safe and always together.
We love you everyday.

June the escape artists

One night this week I spent over 2 hours keeping June in her bed. So I hit the internet to see what my options are... This is what I found. Turn her bed around  because it's higher on the backside. Sadly I did this and sewed her sleep sack a little smaller and so far it has worked, but this is not a dream bedroom setup walking in and seeing the back of a crib:(

This girl can climb

Arboretum fun

Wearing Matilda Jane clothes 

Wearing Matilda Jane 

Pet

We have a new pet. Snails! Yep,  I call that a slow start, but I  will take what it can get.  I wanted  a dog. A French bulldog to be exact, but my husband does not think that's a good idea so I will enjoy my snails. I did totally act like the children needed a pet and they were for the children and they are, but I may enjoy them just a little more.

Journey continues

I am still watching Phlearn videos and reading photography blogs trying to figures this stuff out and what I learned is that I know nothing. The knowledge about cameras and editing is endless. I often come to a standstill and I am not sure what to do next. Then I go out and take a few more pics and try again to edit in a new way.  I really want to add a bear dancing to the picture below  I have of Kai and I hope someday I can get there to do that.

Can't you just see a bear dancing
with Kai here and glitter, cause you have
to have glitter:) 

I wanted to share my favorite photography artist that I aspire too.  I am trying to find my own style, but I know that will come with time. Here are 3 that I think are amazing and wonderful talented.

https://www.facebook.com/daltonlaneportraitco?fref=ts

Dalton Lane is by far the most magical portrait artist I have seen. Her pictures are so magical, inspiring and perfect. Her editing is flawless, from the perfect light rays to the fun animals that seem to have been present during the shoot. I had the pleasure of Dalton Lane shooting my girls this summer and can not wait to share the pictures with everyone next month. Head over to her Facebook page and like it to watch her beautiful pictures post.

https://www.facebook.com/MegBittonPhotography?fref=ts

Meg Bitton has these moody forest pictures that are perfect. I love the dark forest and the bright soft subjects that are often in large tutu's. The children always have a perfect look on their faces. She is also pro breastfeeding which I love.

https://www.facebook.com/lizzyrosephotography?fref=ts

 LizzyRose Photography has light filled pictures with blurry backgrounds and beautiful black and whites. She also uses fun angles and has a good eye. I took her class a few months ago and it was helpful. I learned about actions and how to use them and about capturing more that just the whole picture, sometimes it's nice to get just pieces.

Apples

We went apple picking and it was super fun! I forgot my camera, but It's ok.  I did get a few pictures with my phone. The weather was perfect and the apples were yummy. 

Rain rain